fartgallery:

4/20? You mean 1/5 reduce your fractions did you even learn math

thehorangames:

• taco bell employee: how are you today?
• me: crunchwrap supreme

• JESSE EISENBERG: People on the street say mean things to me.
• INTERVIEWER: Like what?
• JESSE EISENBERG: I get called Napoleon Dynamite because I have curly hair. I live in New York City and I ride a bicycle. I always bike down 9th Avenue and there’s this kid who goes to school there named Abraham. Every time I pass him, he calls me Napoleon Dynamite. He screams it out and his friends laugh. That was a fine movie but I wasn’t in it.
• INTERVIEWER: What do you say back?
• JESSE EISENBERG: I say, “Please Abraham, I’m not that man.”

seeminglydeepstatement:

somefantasticallies:

vivalatrench:

mrsugarpink:

rapewhistled:

followmehome:

It’s not “bacon,” it’s a pig.

It’s not “veal,” it’s a calf.

It’s not “steak,” it’s a cow.

It’s not “meat,” it’s an animal…

its not “fruit”, its dividing cells that accumulate fructose…

it’s not delivery. it’s digiorno.

It’s not a scene, it’s a god damn arms race

It’s not “levioSA”, it’s “leviOsa”

Maybe it’s Maybelline 

dontbeafraidbealive:

the-fence-is-waiting:

kenway:

oedipus came out of his mom once

he also came in his mom once

This is terrible.

#oedipus was the first motherfucker

elchoppo:

snugglemestiles:

my brother just got home for thanksgiving and im actually glad to see him

how glad, on a scale of one to the folgers commercial?

arizonagarbage:

Americans, don’t forget to set your clocks back an hour on Sunday. And don’t forget to not set your country back 50 years on Tuesday.

the area from the bellybutton to about the top of the knees is hands down the best part of the body i just ahhh and thighs thighs shit fuck damn thighs i’m sobbing thiiiighs and the little pudge on either side of the pelvis just fhgahhhh nghuuughh

Title: Feeling Good
Artist: Ed Sheeran
Played: 77822 times

Ed Sheeran | Feeling Good

Feeling Good first appeared in the 1965 musical The Roar of the Greasepaint, The Smell of the Crowd starring Cy Grant, who sang the original version of the song. The song has since been covered by multiple artists, including Nina Simone, Michael Bublé, and Muse.  

buttduchess:

i ain’t sayin’ she a gold-digger, but she did move west to california in 1849

tupacabra:

i hope you have pet insurance because i’m about to destroy that pussy

berriest:

“this is my…jam,” i whisper with wide eyes, protectively clutching the jar of jam to my chest. “this is my jam.” they will never have my jam.